An adoring look... a light touch... these non-verbal cues can send chills of delight up a daters spine! But do you truly understand how these cues and others affect the way that you communicate with others?
Body language refers to all of those unspoken messages we send to the people we interact with everyday - whether or not we realize we are sending them. Your posture, facial expressions, tone of voice and more send silent signals to people to tell them your true intentions.
Why is this so important in the realm of dating? First, you might be sending the wrong signals to the people you meet and go out with. You may appear disinterested or standoffish, without even being aware. Second, understanding body language in others helps to get a real sense of what they are thinking and feeling. This ability to get straight to the truth of the matter can save you valuable time and energy as you search for that perfect someone.
Whether you're searching for a soul mate, a good friend, or simply someone fun to hang out with on occasion, your talent for reading body language will serve you well. Have you ever been baffled by a date that seemed to go well, but did not result in a phone call or second date? Have you perhaps gone out for a night and felt it was a total flop, only to have a very interested date call to ask you out again? Or, worst case scenario, have you gone in for the good night kiss you were sure was in the cards, only to be rebuffed? Chances are you just did not read their non-verbal cues properly.
When our body language and spoken language conflict, it can be very confusing for the person we are communicating with. For example, you may be smiling and telling your date you had a great night - hoping and praying the whole time that they lean in for a peck on the cheek. But if your arms are crossed with one hand on the doorknob and you are leaning ever so slightly away from your date, you're silently telling them "Back off, I'm just not that into you!"
The above scenario was a blatantly obvious example of body language gone wrong; many behaviors that we exhibit are much less overt. So what are people really saying???
Shrugging, Poor posture, Glancing around and avoiding eye contact, Picking at sweater fuzzballs = I'm just not that interested in anything you have to say.
Smiling, Leaning in to listen, Nodding and engaging in conversation, Frequent eye contact = Okay, I'm interested and having fun!
Crossing arms, Turning slightly away from the person speaking, Focusing on another object in the room
= I don't trust you, or I just don't like you!
Again, these examples may seem stereotypical. The study of body language is such an in-depth topic that researchers have devoted much time and energy studying non-verbal cues as they apply in marketing, sales, religion, education and more.
By effectively understanding your own body language and that of others, you can:
1. Read your dates and truly understand how things are going
2. Study and perfect your own body language to ensure you're sending the right message
3. Understand people better from the first second you see them - before they speak a single word!
Whether you meet in person, speak on the phone or even chat online, the people you meet are sending you non-verbal cues that reveal their true intentions. Know how to decipher these people and open your eyes to a whole new realm of dating!
Lee Blackspur
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